greatnessisachoice

College Freshman 101: Date Rape & Safety!

Reflection
This post is detailed and may be too descriptive for some. My hope is not to offend, but to share my previous challenges…a glimpse inside my head…maybe it sounds familiar.

The funniest thing about obstacles and challenges is that they seem to always be delivered without an introduction or a warning. In 2009, I got an unthinkable Facebook friend request from the man that stole my virginity and date raped me in college.

Date Rape

Naively, I was the typical freshman, and never knew danger could come and find me in the form of a new boyfriend. For hours, I looked at the request and decided to forgive him, but the idea of befriending him was just way too much.

Unfortunately, the challenging life course was just getting started for me. A few years ago, I remember arriving to a work training only to be greeted by the man who date raped me in college.

The timing could not have come at a worse juncture. I was emotionally spent. I was fragile and tired. My sister had just got married, my pastor had just passed away, and my closest cousin, who is like a sister, husband, suddenly died.

My heart started beating fast and I hurriedly started talking to myself. Put yourself in auto-pilot mode and just get through the day! God must really like challenges. My mind was racing. What should I do?! I had no desire to disclose this information to my boss. And so, I decided to just maintain and hold it together; because it was my responsibility to listen and bring back the information for my team. Prayerfully, I managed to survive the entire event without flinching, leaving or escaping.Emotional Wounds

My twenty plus year old past, that haunted me for years was now staring me in the face. Thankfully, I’m a testament that God’s grace is always on time, and I was able to weather that storm. The trainer’s voice faded quickly, and all I could think about was keeping my cool and getting back to my office. As the trainers prepared for lunch, guess who offered me their card and decided to sit next to me? Yes, it’s true…the man who date raped me and caused me to lose trust in most men.

Shockingly, he had become a state licensed social worker and had his own youth mentoring business. He apologized and told me he was a changed man and determined to give back and make a difference.

Predators are Often People You Know and Trust

In college, I was a very naïve girl from Chicago. I was shy with big hopes and dreams. I never had a clue that you might need to protect yourself from people you know; as well as strangers. Predators lurk in all sorts of places, and the wise can only be proactive and share their wisdom to prevent others from becoming new victims.

I love to share my challenges in an effort to let people know it is ok to be human, a survivor and seek help when you need it. I wish I knew to date in groups; until you really know the person you are dating. Time is a true measurement test for integrity, character, respect, love and support.

Remember, challenges and obstacles knock on every person’s door. Stay prayerful and know God is always there with us; through every trial and tribulation. Believe, trust, and let go, no matter how scary the situation is. God’s grace is always enough and timely!

Moving Forward

Thanks so much to everyone that replied to my post. I truly appreciate each and every comment. The older I become, the more I feel compelled to be transparent, and share my journey through life. As a result, I firmly believe that sharing my challenges and pain will free others, and maybe even encourage forgiveness; so they can move forward with their lives. From my own experiences, again, I have learned our pain sometimes can become our own prison.

Therefore, forgiveness is a defense and offers all an opportunity to heal and move forward with their lives. It has nothing to do with the perpetrator/s. It has everything to do with the healing of our mind, body and spirit. Sharing my personal story of rape and survival is just my way to encourage others. If I overcame it, so can you. It is truly my hope to let my fellow survivors know they are not alone, to offer an opportunity to educate and inform others of the potential dangers and to give another face/ profile of a predator.

As a mother of a daughter, I hope my story encourages mothers to have a conversation with their daughters, and let them know of the potential dangers when dating. Explain the rules, and why it is so important to date in groups and spend the necessary extra time to get to know someone before welcoming them into their personal space.

Mothers remind your daughters they are special, and educate them about dating. It should be someone that respects them, and understands fully that “No actually means No” and will accept it without question. My experience taught me that I was picked intentionally. He was extra careful…selective even…I was the perfect candidate. Twenty- six years ago, I was extremely shy, and so ashamed that I allowed this rape to happen to me.

My Rapist

In my mind, my rapist was never what I pictured a rapist to be. My rapist was extremely popular on the basketball team, homecoming king, well-educated and had many admirers to say the least. Personally, I thought a rapist would be a stranger and someone that would pop up in a dark alley or something like that.

Never in a million years did I even entertain the thought that my new boyfriend could be a rapist and be so well-liked. My flawed act was simply agreeing to go watch a movie in his room with four other friends. When the movie ended, the four people left the room and I prepared to get my coat and leave, the rest…history. I remember him blocking the door way and telling me, ‘Sharon you can make this easy or hard, but today you will leave a woman’.

During that time in my life, I was extremely shy and timid, 18 years old and afraid. My rapist was 6 feet and at least 200 pounds and I was just 5’7 and maybe 120 pounds. Initially, I tried to fight and stop him, but he was convinced that this was what I needed to take us to the next level. The feelings of being helpless and powerless over my situation consumed me and changed me forever. The story of how I lost my virginity was traumatic and permanently sketched in my brain. I carried that pain for years and never reported the incident due to my own embarrassment at that time.

Emotional Baggage

As I stated before, I used to be painfully shy, and thought if I told people, some how I would end up being the blame me for going, and watching the movie and being so naïve. Plus, he was so well liked and get this…I did not want to consider HIM going to jail, losing his scholarship and dealing with the reality of everyone knowing in great details what actually occurred to me. As a result, I did what many women do, I buried the pain and carried the baggage of my rape into every relationship I had including my marriage. Thankfully, the encounter early this year gave me the needed closure and the opportunity to get the answers of why. Plus, he apologized, and allowed me to forgive and put that luggage down.

Growth and Empowerment

In my opinion, rape is a very emotional and altering act. However, a survivor selects to deal with the pain of rape, is their personal choice. For me, I decided to become a blogger, a sexual assault advocate, and a social worker. By simply sharing my story and ways to prevent date rape, I hope to empower others to be survivors and advocates against date rape and sexual assault. If anyone you know is a victim, encourage and let them know, “NO means NO” and it is never their fault or too late to seek support or get help!

My wish is to let all survivors know:

1. They are not alone and it is never their fault.

2. To offer an opportunity to educate and inform others of the potential dangers.

3. Give another face and profile of a predator for they are often never a stranger.

4. Encourage people to listen and be alert.

5. Help end sexual assault and Date Rape.

6. Help eliminate the shame, guilt and secrecy of abuse.

7. To volunteer and support organizations that advocates to end sexual abuse

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is:

(800) 656-4673. The hotline is free, private, and available 24 hours a day. http://www.greatnessisachoice.com

Cheaters

Unfortunately, most people who have been cheated on, are 1000% AWARE! Likewise, there is no such thing of blindsiding a sane stable person. Often we select to put on our blinders because we are simply not ready to deal with the truth.

We all learned as children that hiding from a problem never solves anything but prolongs the issues. Prayer, honesty, open communication, forgiveness, respect and addressing all the Core Issues is the only real solution.

Since communication is now 90% non-verbal, almost every person I have ever spoken to who has been cheated on, knew, who, what, when, where, why and even sometimes how. All this non-sense of not knowing is just foolishness.

Body language is almost involuntary, so everything a person really needs to know, is usually right there looking them dead in the face. Regardless to not having concrete evidence. However, if more people accepted the naked truth facts around them, we would be a lot better off.

If something, looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, smell like a duck, then by all means stop all the analysis and just accept it is a DUCK! If your significant other displays any of the following red flags you may want to accept the duck status for sure!!!

1. Indifferent towards you!

2. Inattentive to your needs and wants!

3. Working late unexpectedly or all the time!

4. Bathes or shower as soon as they hit the door!

5. Never want to spend quality time together!

6. Refuses to communicate with you!

7. Has become a stranger in the house!

8. No connection intimately or concern for your satisfaction!

9. Unsupportive of your dreams or aspirations!

10. Negative towards your goals & vision for your life!

11. Has guy or girl trip plans to travel to Brazil or the Dominican Republic. It’s not for fishing or golfing of the normal sort 😜.

12. A sudden change in their physical appearance, dress and demeanor!

13. Excessive talking on the cell or texting frequently! Locks it too!

14. Obsession with their personal computer or laptop!

15. An absolute change in attitude and perspective!

16. Wear cologne or perfume all of a sudden!

17. Never affirm their significant other or compliment them. Plus suddenly stops complaining!!! Normally a back up has been hired 😉! The website Ashley Madison has made millions by setting up marrying individuals who still like to explore.

18. Take, Take, Take & Never Give!!!

19. Unexplained STD😑.

20. Loves Porn, No discipline or integrity!!!

21. Feels unappreciated, neglected, taken for granted, resentment, stifled or unattended, is a great recipe for a side piece invite.

Enough said already!

http://www.greatnessisachoice.com

Getting Past the Pain

Yesterday I was inspired by Monique Spence😍. I also like to tell my stories of faith & God, because I truly remember all to well a very shy girl from the south side of Chicago with not too much but with a lot of love and a great family. When I hear about all the violence in Chicago and discord going on, I remember my mother saying God is the same yesterday, today & forever! I remember being afraid of going back to grad school and then the day came & I had to bury my son.

I just had a child by C-Section, 19 staples, chest in pain from the milk, and my son passed away! I’m in the maternity ward & babies are everywhere except mines. Thankful, the Staff at the University of Chicago had a heart. Put me in a private room & took me off that ward. I remember being in that room, alone & thinking God, if I can live through this, getting my Masters will be a breeze! It was! I graduated from Spertus College in 1999 with a Masters in Human Service Administration with a GPA of 3.8. Thank God for his Grace, that was 19 years ago on 6/25/95. I will never forget Deloris Foster, Jacqueline Glass, Tiffany Roberson, Michelle Davis, Chris McMorris, John Williams, my Parents & Tamla Jarrett. God Grace & the love & support of friends and family is how we make it to see the sun again!

National HIV Testing Day

Today is National HIV testing day! As a HIV/ AIDS, Program Coordinator it is very important to know your status! Black women are being effected by the disease the most! Knowledge is power and can save your life! So many advances has been made with medications and practices to treat the disease.

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Service
STI/HIV/AIDS Evaluation
The following CDPH clinics are drop-in specialty clinics that diagnose and treat sexually transmitted infections (STI) including HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and others. They also provide information about condom use and other prevention methods. Services are offered at no cost, and on a first-come, first-serve basis, no appointment is necessary.

Free clinic hours and locations:
Englewood STI Specialty Clinic
641 W. 63rd St., Lower Level
Phone: 312.747.8900
Fax: 312.747.5275
Mon., Wed., Fri.: 8 am – 4 pm
Tue., Thu.: 9 am – 5 pm

South Austin STI Specialty Clinic
4958 W. Madison
Phone: 312.746.4871
Fax: 312.746.4637
Mon. and Wed.: 8 am – 4 pm
Tue., Thu.: 10 am – 6 pm

Lakeview STI Specialty Clinic
2861 N. Clark, 2nd Floor
Phone: 312.744.5507
Fax: 312.744.2573
Mon., Wed., Fri.: 8 am – 4 pm
Tue., Thu.: 10 am – 6 pm

West Town STI Specialty Clinic
2418 W. Division
Phone: 312.744.5464
Fax: 312.744.5516
Fri.: 8 am – 4 pm

Roseland STI Specialty Clinic
200 E. 115th St.
Phone: 312.747.2831
Fax: 312.747.2841
Mon.: 8 am – 4 pm
Thurs.: 9 am – 5 pm

Services eligibility:

Individuals 12 years of age and older are eligible for services. No one is turned away if unable to pay. Fees are on a sliding scale basis.

*Additional locations are available by calling 1.800.AID.AIDS

Services provided at the clinics:
Evaluation, testing & treatment for sexually transmitted infections & HIV
HIV Counseling
HIV Rapid Testing (same day results)
STI & HIV Education
Partner Notification
Treatment Services
Free Condoms
On site lab testing and dispensing of medications Early Intervention Services for persons living with HIV . Services are provided at the Englewood and Uptown Clinic Locations. CDPH Clinics test for the following sexually transmitted infections:

chlamydia
gonorrhea
genital warts
herpes
HIV
non-gonoccocal urethritis (NGU)
syphilis
vaginal infections (trichomoniasis, yeast, and bacterial vaginosis)
Testing and treatment services are available for many less common STIs

such as:
chancroid
crabs
lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV)
molluscum contagiosum
mucopurulent cervicitis (MPC)
pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
scabies
HIV Primary Care Clinics hours and locations:
CDPH’s HIV Primary Care Program provides care for persons living with HIV. These programs provide integrated, life-sustaining services that include primary medical care, HIV treatment, mental health assistance, and comprehensive support to promote healthy living for our clients. Our caring teams of HIV specialists include physicians, nurses, psychologists, nutritionists, case managers, and medical assistants who provide comprehensive, integrated, multidisciplinary HIV specialty care services tailored to individual client needs. Services are offered by appointment.

Englewood Primary Care Clinic
641 W. 63rd St., First Floor
Phone: 312.745.0667
Fax: 312.745.7753
Mon., Wed., Fri.: 8 am– 4 pm
Tue., Thu.: 10 am – 6 pm

Uptown Primary Care Clinic
845 W. Wilson, 2nd Floor
Phone: 312.744.1935
Fax: 312.744.1308

Mon., Wed., Fri.: 8 am– 4 pm
Tue., Thu.: 10 am – 6 pm

Greatness is in Everyone

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

Communication is Vital – 5 Great Examples

Greatness is a Choice

Communication

Is it possible to have great relationships? I think so if we make choices that are in agreements with our vision for our life. Yesterday, as I was reviewing one of my favorite sites it dawned on me why do so many people in relationships ignore extremely obvious signs of “Disaster”? Is it not common knowledge that communication is 80% non-verbal? Likewise, non-verbal communication is not sign language or letter writing because those forms would still require the use of words. Non-verbal communication is body language…which happends to be the things that your body does without any conscious thought that always tell the real story.

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Communication is Vital – 5 Great Examples

Communication

For example, if someone simply asks me “How are you Sharon” and I reply wonderful yet sound very dry, my eyes are looking down and worst of all, my voice tone reminds everyone of droopy the dog. Who in the world will I convince that I’m truly happy? In my, opinion, I personally believe that I would not convince any person with common sense because thankfully my body language has spoken all the volumes necessary to the average person with any common sense! As a result, words are powerful but need to be expressed in a uniform manner with our body language. Therefore, in relationships, it is so perplexing to me why so many men and women waste so much valuable time on truly several DEAD SITUATIONS!

To begin with, what is a DEAD SITUATION? The following are 5 great examples:

1. If a guy or girl never calls or initiate any form of contact, they are simply not interested. End of story please stop wasting your precious time on the why and move on! Time is so valuable and can never be replaced once it is spent. As a result, everyone should be so selective about who, what, when, where, why and how their time will ever be spent. Life will never offer a return on our time so remember to always spend time well.

2. If a guy or girl wants to be married, they will ask and nothing will hold them back or stop them if they are truly interested. However, if it takes a man or woman 65 years and I’m being funny, they simply just either do not want to marry you, are waiting on the bigger and better opportunity or Marriage is not a priority or on the to do list in their book. Final answer, actions speak louder than words, no exceptions and stop fighting the obvious!

3. Desperate is NEVER ATTRACTIVE and is a turn off, enough said already!

4. Confidence is VERY ATTRACTIVE! Attractiveness is truly a state of mind and is expressed from the inside out! True confidence can be identified a mile away always! Likewise, true beauty is beautiful on the inside and out and that is the end of that story!

5. Communication in a relationship is vital to any relationship true success. When a person cares for or loves you, they will always make it their business to show if they are truly vested in the relationship. Grown-ups always ensures that home is intact, safe and secured because no one wants to lose their best friend, missing rib or soul mate if they can help it. Trust and believe that will definitely cause true pain and sorrow. However, if a person can let you go easily, you were never, ever on their keepers list and trust everyone has a list and knows who is and isn’t on it.

Finally, remember always to keep God first and commit to being an asset oppose to a liability in a relationship. Remember, that if you put God first and focus on being the very best you, God always does answer prayer if your willing to put faith and works together.

The Front Row: Staring You

Front Row Seat – Life is the ultimate theater so invite your audiences carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a FRONT ROW seat in our lives. There are some people in your life who need to be loved
from a distance. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go,
or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible,
not-going-anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family!

Not everyone can be in Your FRONT ROW.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which
ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage, and which ones
discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which
ones are just going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel
better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don’t really
understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

Not everyone can be in Your FRONT ROW.

The more you seek God and the things of God, the more you seek
quality; the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God,
the more you seek things honorable; the more you seek growth, peace of
mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to
decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the
balcony of your life.

Everyone Can’t be in Your FRONT ROW.

You cannot change the people around you… but you can change the
people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose
wisely the people who sit in the FRONT ROW of your life. Remember
that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those
who sit in your FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully.

Everyone Can’t be in Your FRONT ROW.

(I received this gift from Jennifer Lee 20 years ago, thanks 🙂

Hope all enjoy)

Author unknown

Life ABC’s

Hello family and friends,

I just saw a great note online and wanted to share:

The Present is a Gift, that is why we must always look at our glass life handed you and be GRATEFUL!!! Someone at any given point will always admire and would like to switch if they could. Life is simply about learning how to dance in the rain and remain positive while the storm is coming down. The good thing about rain storm is that we all know eventually, they all come to an end!!! I’m simply so thankful and absolutely loving life and appreciating all of God’s grace, mercy and blessing!!!

God is always on time and the Lord is always there! So thankful that we loved us first and he is soooo forgiving!!!

Accept differences; Be kind; Count your blessings; Dream; Express thanks; Forgive; Give freely; Harm no one; Imagine more; Jettison anger; Keep confidences; Love truly; Master something; Nurture hope; Open your mind; Pack lightly; Quell rumors; Reciprocate; Seek wisdom; Touch hearts; Understand; Value truth; Win graciously; Xeriscape; Yearn for peace; Zealously support a worthy cause.

Happy 4th of July Weekend!!!