Steps to Forgiveness and the Benefits

1. What is the definition of forgiveness?

A conscious decision to release resentment or vengeance for an individual or a group regardless if they deserve it or not.  The process does not mean you are excusing, condoning the issues or forgetting.  However, you’re committed to your health and positively moving forward by all means necessary.

Why is forgiveness so hard for most people?

There are several reasons or possible answers why forgiveness is hard.  For example, the reasons could be the following:

  1. Past Traumas
  2. Secrets
  3.  Verbal Abuse
  4. Sexual Abuse
  5. Physical Abuse
  6. Domestic Violence
  7.  Cheating

What is the Benefit of Forgiveness?

The benefits of forgiveness are clear and simple.  Improved health and ability to move forward.

What is the Cost of Unforgiveness?

The cost of unforgiveness is your time, illness, depression, and being stuck.

2. Be direct with yourself and identify your pain and issues for your emotional pain and distress.

· Identify: Who you are having a hard time forgiving?

· Identify: What your issues are clearly and write them down?

· Identify: When this incident occurred?

· Identify: Where this incident happened and how long ago and details?

· Identify: Why or how the incident occurred?

3. Acknowledge your feelings and own each and every last one of them! Address all issues step by step so you can heal and appropriately MOVE ON!

· Only you know how you exactly feel and what you need to feel whole.

· Communicate effectively and be the expert of you

4. Forgive yourself and be clear the real bottom line is forgiveness is always for you and about your health and wellness bottom line.

· The Price of Unforgiveness

· Effects of stress on your mental health

· Owning your health and completing wellness exams

· Seeking help, counseling, therapy, pastoral counseling, EAP or internal/external

5. Be your own superhero because no one is coming to save you but you!

· Do the necessary work to heal

· Ask the hard questions?

· What is the Blessing or Lesson? It is always one.  Find the answer!  You owe it to yourself.

6. Be compassionate and empathize and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

7. Allow love back in.  As long as we have the Blessing of 6 Ft UP WE Can Start Again!!!

Patterns: Health verses unhealthy

Healthy Relations Have These Qualities:

  1.  Scheduled Time Together That’s a Priority
  2.  Acceptance
  3. Boundaries
  4. Respect
  5. Trust
  6.  Integrity
  7.  Forgiveness
  8.  Healthy Boundaries
  9.  Individuality
  10. Compassion/ Empathy
  11.  Understanding of their Significant Other’s Love Language
  12.  Open Communication

Unhealthy Relations Tend to Have Issues With:

  1.  Lack of Trust
  2.  Jealousy
  3.  Lack of Respect
  4.  Domestic Violence
  5.  Physical Abuse
  6.  Verbal Abuse
  7.  Sexual Abuse
  8.  Cheating
  9.  lack of Support with physical Responsibilities, chores, children, bills, etc.
  10.  Feeling Lonely in the Relationship
  11.  Lack of Anticipation
  12.  Lack of Consideration for Needs and Wants

YOU CAN ALWAYS START OVER: New Beginnings

8. The Challenge

· Set Healthy Boundaries

· Communicate effectively

· Listen to your body

· Own Your Health and BE Unapologetic!!!

9. Eliminating all negativity, persons, places, things including relatives & close friends if necessary.

10. Be a Healer and Speak Life!

· Build Up People: Cheer them on

· Lift up People: Speak life and be an encourager

· Comfort People Grieving Whatever Period in their Life literally or Physically: Let people know their story isn’t over and a new positive chapter is beginning. Be positive and tell how the Lord can turn any situation around. Trust the word and not your current circumstance. Use the word to increase your faith.

· Let Your Light Shine & Let Jesus Spirit live in you and guide all your steps and actions.

Sharon Rowe, M.S.
😍 FB: Sharon Rowe
😍 IG: Sharonrowe5129
😍 Blog: http://www.greatnessisachoice.com
😍: Twitter: born2bgreat2

 

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Today is a Gift. Forgive and Letting Go!

Happy Thursday!

Today is a gift! That’s why it is called the present. For many employees in corporate or the private sector, July 1 st. is the beginning of the new fiscal year. Therefore, why not start today with your New Year’s Resolution for yourself. Today, can be the beginning of you choosing you back to wholeness and a healthy, mind, body and spirit.

After my mother passed, I was so sad or even depressed. I could function but only did the necessary things in life only, family, work & my daughter’s required school activities. So around December, I crossed paths with a life coach Monique that reminded me how powerful God was and always will be. Her instructions was to write a list to God of want you want.

However, before doing it I had to forgive ever person, place or thing that kept my heart not right. She invited me to a burning bowl church event at Church where we had to bring the request to God letters and the list of who we forgave.

To make it short, I wrote a list of 10 things and shortly afterwards. Everything on my list came into reality. For example, I wanted a new car, a got a new Lexus. I wanted a nice vacation, my father-in-law called and book a 8 day cruise with a balcony view, his treat for my birthday/ family and sister-in-law and her entire family.

I quickly realize, there is power 💥in forgiveness, prayer and writing ✍🏽 it down. So after all the 10 things on my list occurs. My best friend at work calls me and confided she is distressed about living in her apartment 14 years.

So I told her about my secret weapons that I learned from my mother and combined the two events and mother’s teaching. My mother raised me in the COGIC church, so we always prayed and touched and agreed when we needed God to do something for us.

So I told my friend, don’t worry! I know exactly what to do. We had a department team meeting coming up and I told her to come to the meeting early. I told her to do the things I learned from the life coach about forgiveness and told her to right down her lists of wants and who to forgive. We came an hour early, and sat in my new Lexus truck and touched and agreed.

She asked God to get her out of her apartment into a house. A promotion and peace at work as a few others things on the list. To make a long story short, my Friend Ebony Howard closed on her house in less than 35 days and got promoted. Her home is simply gorgeous and we always smiled and think thank God for a praying mother, grandmother, mentor and people with discernment who share with us God power 💥🔥💥and ways to get a prayer through delivered through Jesus and Praise.

We have monthly personal ICT meeting because we know it is power 💥🔥💥in old school, olive Bless oil anointing touching and agreeing prayer and writing down our requests.

Why share this information, the answer is simple! I want all my brothers and sisters to win and cross like Tyler Perry said in his speech a few day ago. I know God is able and what he does for one, he will do for all because he loves us all the same. All we have to do is ask, praise and stand on his word literally and physically until the Blessings show up! Happy Thursday and happy list writing! God will always show up and show out!!! 🌺🌺🌺

Hope this helps someone! 🌺😊🌺

A Closer Look – Valentine’s Day 2018 Edition: Mr. & Mrs. Nick & Latice Nicholson, 24 Years & Counting! 💕💕💕

Thanks Mr. & Mrs. Nicholson for the vision and creating Chi-Town Married Couples! I love the idea that you are supporting and building a rock solid community that celebrate healthy marriages and strengthen God ordain relationships. So excited you both agreed to complete this interview and share your wisdom on building Strong, Healthy, God Centered Marriages and Families! God Bless!!! 💕😊😊💕

Nick’s Responses:

1. What is the most important quality in a mate?

Physical, emotional, spiritual and mental compatibility…you must be “equally yoked” in all areas.

2. How would you describe your mate and when did you know he/she was the one?

Latice is an exceptional wife and mother. She loves unconditionally and has a nurturing spirit. I knew she was the one when while we were dating I explained to her that I didn’t have a lot of money or other luxury items and I didn’t know when or if I would ever have those things…she didn’t care about “things”. 24 wonderful years later, we are still together!

3. How has your spouse changed your life?

Latice has given me a greater sense of purpose. I realize that my main purpose in life is to provide for my family and to love them unconditionally. She has never given up on me, even during my lowest points, so I will never give up on myself or my family.

4. What is the best advice to give to a newlywed couple and how do you stay in love?

Never forget your vows and be reminded that when you exchanged your vows, you moved into an eternal covenant between you, your spouse and God. Always keep God in your marriage and as the husband, always stay on alert for attacks on your marriage and family. The husband is the head of the family and if the “head” is cut off, the family will perish. Don’t get your head cut off…

Latice’s Responses:

1. What is the most important quality in a mate?

One of the most important qualities in a mate is someone who is trustworthy of your heart and trustworthy period.

2. How would you describe your mate and when did you know he/she was the one?

Nick is such a very sweet and funny guy. He loves God and has always been a great provider for our family. I knew he was the one for me when I he met my Grandma for the first time and the kind way he talked to her and how comfortable he was around my family. I remember my Grandma remarking that he was a “good guy.” She said that she could tell.

3. How has your spouse changed your life?

I would say that he taught me what true love 💕 is all about.

4. What is the best advice to give to a newlywed couple and how do you stay in love?

Never, ever stop dating. No matter how busy life gets, always make time to date your spouse. You stay in love by investing your time and energy into your marriage. Let your spouse know that after God, they are “THE most important person in your life. They should never doubt this. They should hear it often and feel it each and every day.

Nick & Latice created a wonderful group on FB with 11,000 plus married members that encourage married couples in the Chicagoland area and many other states!

Marriages everywhere are under attack! The day you and your spouse said “I do”, a bounty is set to destroy what God has united.

This site is created to help encourage one another as married couples here in Chicago. Although Facebook is a powerful tool, it can have damaging, subconscious affects on us when we are often times bombarded with posts from our single friends out living the “single life”. We tend to feel like we are missing out on something because we are married…The devil is a LIAR!

Marriage is hard work, but it’s worth the effort! So let’s leverage Facebook with this group to *encourage each other,

*encourage our spouses,

*share your special moments with your spouse, provide life giving advice AND

*share Date Night highlights.

Together we can Glorify God by protecting what God has joined together.

Feel free to share with others that would benefit from and contribute to this group. Please refrain from posting anything that is not positive and edifying to marriages. Group administrators are actively monitoring ALL posts and will remove any posts and/or members that are not aligned with the goal of helping to promote and support marriage.

Enjoy the group and we pray that this space blesses your marriage like it is blessing ours.

CTMC Visionaries,

Nick & Latice Nicholson

chitownmarriedcouples@gmail.com

A Closer Look – February 2018, Featured Interview: Chicago’s Very Own, Art “Chatdaddy” Sims!

Almost 8 years ago, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting the legendary King of Chat! The one and only Chatdaddy! He agreed to assist myself with a fundraiser and relationship chat to benefit children and families involved with DCFS. Many moons later, he has conducted hundreds of relationships chats and interviewed almost everyone including my favorite Maya Angelou. So please enjoy the wonderful nuggets Art shared with me during the month of love and healthy relationships! 💕

1. What is the most important quality in a person?

Honesty above all things. No matter who you are and no matter what you’ve been through, it’s most important that you are honest about yourself and your past.

2. What legacy do you want to leave and why is it important to you?

I want to leave this earth as a person who truly tried to make a difference for the betterment of mankind while I was continuing to understand and grow stronger in my spiritual awareness about life.

3. Who is the most interesting person you have interviewed? (When you did Maya Angelou, I had tears!!!)

That’s a really great question… I’ve interviewed thousands of famous people over the years. Maya Angelou had to have been the best by far… she actually prophesied over my life during our interview. It was a life changing experience.

4. Why are relationships successful or not?

I’m always so fascinated with couples who are able to make their relationship work and to be successful because relationships require dedication, commitment and years of hard work. Most people are too afraid to put in the effort to make their relationship work.

What are the top 5 deal breaker?

1. Dishonesty

2. Being insensitive of others

3. Having little to no faith

4. Not having a passport

5. Not being adventurous

Art Sims affectionately know as “Chat Daddy” is the host and executive producer  of Real Talk, Real People with Chat Daddy, a nightly (Monday through Thursday) entertainment magazine show on WVON 1690am that offers its listeners local and national lifestyle stories, relationship advice, celebrity interviews and more. With more than 24 years of media experience in radio, television and print.

Sims is a familiar and welcomed voice in many diverse communities in Chicago and around the world. Known for humor, quick wit, charming conversation and amiable personality, “Chat Daddy” has traveled both nationally and international, providing inspirational, educational and vital information on the development and maintenance of positive, sustainable relationships. In 2009, he was recognized as a social dynamo by Monarch Magazine as one of Chicago movers and shakers in the media world and he was also inducted into the second edition of Who’s Who in Black Chicago.

My Vision Board 2018

I had so much fun today doing my vision board and thinking of my mother! The things I really want, money can’t buy. To live a life of purpose, to serve, to honor my mother’s legacy and be the best me! My mother was so talented and I’m so happy that whenever I think of her, I get inspired! Dorothy Mae Roberson you were awesome & still impacting me! Love you alway Mom!!! Daddy, Roosevelt Roberson, You are Awesome!!! Thanks for Always Answering my 3am call and Always lending me and my immediate family a helping hand! Every girl needs a daddy like you! 💕😊💕

A Closer Look – January 2018, Featured Interview: Khalid Scott, MSW, LCSW

1.  What is absolutely the best advice you have ever received and from who?

My mother (Kathleen Scott)!  Mom said from day one (a lyric from the song from the Wiz “Ease on Down the Road….Don’t you carry an load!”) What she was saying was in life, which is going to challenge you, that you have to prioritize “the loads” (issues and problems) that you carry so that you won’t be so bogged down carry too much!  I wish I would listened to her earlier in my life instead of getting it in my 40’s.

2.  What is your greatest achievement?

Becoming a father!  My daughter Anayah is my most highest blessing from God and my successful and ongoing parenting of her is my everyday achievement.

3. What do you value most in friendship and why?

LOYALTY! I’m a Cancerian and one of the attributes of my zodiac sign is Loyalty!  I now require it from anyone in my “Village of Loved Ones!”

4.  If you could have a superpower, what would it be and why?

I’ve always thought about the answer to this specific question and I keep coming up with this answer: Power to control others actions and thoughts. My name would be the Mind Bender. Sounds a little controlling hum lol 😂 ?  I would use it only for good!  I would make abusers be humanitarians, make liars tell the truth, make criminals become Social Workers and make those with low self esteem become heroic like me!

5. What do you want your legacy to be?

A life of taking full responsibility!  My mom always advised me to be a responsible man and I listened! My life overall has been fantastic because of my strong sense of responsibility and that’s the legacy I want to leave behind with everyone whose lives I’ve touched!

6.  What do you value in a relationship with a woman as a single man?

Again loyalty and a woman with a strong spiritual base and a deep love for self and her family! Or any friendship!  Again loyalty and laughter is what I love from friends.

What are the deal breakers?

Easy: Disloyalty!

7.  What moment changed your life?

Two events: 8/21/2002 when my baby was born and 6/6/12 when I got divorced!

8.  Which living person(s) do you admire the most and why?

All the people I love (to include you sister Sharon). All the people (family and friends) in my lifetime have taught me the greatest lessons of life from their own journeys!

9.  If you could travel anywhere in the world 🌎, where would you go and why?

I plan to one day take my baby and I to Africa to see our humble beginnings.

10.  What do you want every person to say and know after meeting and getting to know you?

That God has finally blessed me to meet a true “Good Guy!”

Thanks much!

Khalid B. Scott, MSW, LCSW, CADC, MISA I, CWEL, LPHA,  has a Social Work career spanning over 24 years. Currently he’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at the Department  of Veterans Affairs (Jesse Brown Hospital) providing housing and substance abuse services to homeless veterans. Khalid is a 18 year contractual psycho-social therapist with CLO Psych Services.  Khalid is also a contractual trainer for CASA Cook County Juvenile Courts and contractual college lecturer at Columbia, Chicago State, Governors State, UIC and DePaul University (MSW program-Chicago campuses). Khalid received his BS in Corrections and Criminal Justice From Chicago State University and MSW from UIC Jane Addams (College of Social Work.)

Khalid in his spare time he mentors adults and youths, provides social work based trainings/workshops and is a motivational speaker for various Chgo-land forums  (i.e.: Assist Her, Real Men Read)and self-empowerment events (i.e.: Relationship Chats,  Expo for Todays Black Woman.)  Khalid has appeared on several TV talk shows (Fox TV’s Perspective and Can TV Exhale and Chatting with Kimistry) as well has appeared on radio talk shows (WVON 1690am, WYCA 102.3 FM, WCFJ-1470 am and Power 92.3 FM).  Khalid has served 9-1/2 years combined in both the US Army and Illinois Army National Guard.

Khalid has written cover reviews for novelists:

Authors: Marquese Martin-Hayes’ “Monday Again”, Dunamis Dee Collins’ “Great Man Where Art Thou”, Sheila McCoy-Downer’s “Deception in the Pews”‘ and Lawrence Greg Chretien Jr’s “When The Wait Gets Too Heavy.”

Khalid has won numerous awards that include 7 military service awards, as well as Chicago State University Leadership Award (1993), Mentor of the Year (1998 and 2005) from the Bashir Foundation, Citizen of the Year from Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc.(2006), Tasc Inc. Employee of the Year (2006), Alpha Kappa Alpha Inc. Motivating Male (2010), Chgo Chapter of the National Association of Black Social Workers (Service Award-2010) and Archbishop J.P. Lyke African American Male Image Award (2010), NAADAC Professional Staff Excellence Award (2015), Chicago Defender Newspaper (2015) Men of Excellence Award, the Illinois 7th Congressional District 2016 Today’s Heroes Accommodation /Award and the Department of Veteran Affairs Social Worker of the Year 2017.

Khalid has multiple memberships that include, Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., Chicago chapters of the Urban League (Metro Board) and NAACP, multiple Alumni Associations (A.C. Powell Elementary, CVS High school, UIC and CSU), National Association of Black Social Workers, CPS Real Men Read, National Association of Social Workers and the Christian Community Health Center Executive Board member.  Khalid is also a dedicated network builder with an email service that boost a 8000 member list which he provides email resources to networkers. Khalid has been a graduation commencement speaker at various CPS high and elementary schools as well.

Khalid, has an eclectic approach to therapy which includes components of cognitive/behavioral treatment, crisis intervention, brief task-centered and  self-empowerment skill building. Khalid has the genuine and consistent mindset that one can heal themselves with the right guidance and interventions.

“Khalid’s Social Work/professional motto is: Growth {mental, physical and spiritual} starts from an internal source and once fertilized and cultivated, the roots can never be dormant again.

God is Real

I’m now ready to share that when my mother passed away 5 years ago. I was in complete shock. My world 🌎 was completely turned upside down because my mother was my everything in a nutshell. My Bestfriend.  My daughter Ashley walked into my room and said mom I have something I have to tell you! Grandma is fine! I said really! She said yes! I went to heaven and she told me to tell you she is great and know everything will be just fine! This is the eye 👁 popping statement!  

Ashley said mom the houses 🏡 in Heaven are big! The colors are so beautiful and mom why didn’t you tell me grandma had a twin sister??? They didn’t look nothing alike and she was so smoky like. She said grandma and lots of family up in heaven are having a great time and they have cake 🎂 in heaven!  

Well I was in shock because I never got around to telling Ashley my mother was a twin & they were the opposite in everything. Ashley described my aunt and I was amazed. I still missed my mother but that gave me peace that passed all understanding! No tears at the funeral and had extreme peace but miss my mother dearly. The next day my daughter Ashley told me mom don’t be sad because love 💕 Never dies and is the only things that can travel from heaven to earth 🌏 and back!

Keep her in your heart and she will always live! This was all from my 8 year old at the time!  Children are a beautiful blessing from God!

Change Starts With Me

Good Morning Everyone!  Today, I woke up despite a few aches and pains and declared today, another day of blessing!  Each one of us is favored with the gift of LIFE.  It’s God’s present to us.

Declare how you will spend your gift.  Time is of the essence, and the gift comes with no refunds or returns.  You are entrusted with 24 hours called the PRESENT.  Use your gift everyday.  Let someone know that God is the light, amazing, loving, fantastic, awesome, and always there!  We all have to claim our power, proclaim we are his child, and live in his light and witness his anointing.


Nothing is too hard, and he is always there if we need him and call on him.  Let’s show God through our actions.  Let’s be intentional and strive to put love in our plan everyday!  We all have something to offer; even if it is a smile or a compliment.  Be the light wherever you go; in any season of your life.  Trust him and know, all is well.


Yesterday, at church, I realized I let my fire go out when my mother passed.  I was grieving, angry and lost.  Dorothy Mae Roberson was so much to me, and now I truly realize she came and completed her earthly assignment.  Now, it’s my turn for her legacy of being a God fearing witness to continue.  I was required to get my fire back, and get back to doing God’s work; wherever I go.  Love is a action word and an opportunity to magnify God and convey how awesome he is.  If we trust and seek him, do his will, God will always provide and give us beauty for our actions.  So, time for me to put all those lessons into actions and let the beauty of my mother’s legacy shine through me. For all trees are known by the fruit it produces.


Let’s figure out each day, how we can make a difference, mentor, volunteer, help tutor, take a senior grocery shopping, be a foster parent, share your talents! So, well done mom and great fruit!  The seeds you planted in me are sprouting.  Your light shines brightly Dorothy Mae Roberson, RIH until we meet again on the other side! 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Purpose, Worth & Value

The year was 2015, New Year’s Eve, and I remember questioning my purpose, value and worth.  It was also my birthday, and I spent most of the day reflecting, hurt and disappointed.  My birthday falls on the last day of the year, and my biggest issue was adjusting to the fact my mother would not be calling from heaven to say, “Happy Birthday!”  She was one of the few people who understood me. No long explanation…just a look or glance, and she knew exactly what I needed.

My mother was my prayer partner, friend, counselor, nurse, doctor, business owner, cheerleader, driver, encourager, human Bible and wonderful cook.  It took all thoses years to really get the concept: WE ARE ALL ON BORROWED TIME.  No longer will there be days of coming home to precious birthday cards, cake or ice cream.  And so, I tried to find my value and worth by purchasing some extremely expensive shoes.  It felt awesome when they arrived in the mail. As a matter of fact, I purchased more. Then, I tried on the first pair, and quickly discovered, the shoes did not serve me well.  My husband and I, attended a gala fundraiser, and I had to hold on to him for dear life.  I hastily learned, five and six inch heels are downright unbearable, and if I exceeded 5 minutes my toes would soon blister up in heat.  Hence, I made a decison. I finally accepted that my gorgeous shoes are not comfortable on Sharon’s feet, they had to GO. As a result, I truly understand the principle, anything that does not serve you good, release it, and let it GO.  I’m listing them, and using the money to BLESS someone else in need. Time has taught me, the true value is not what shoes I’m wearing, it’s WHO is wearing the shoes. When we understand whole heartedly, that we are God’s children.  We will understand our purpose, worth and value, which comes from God in Heaven– never things!   I’ve learned, when I follow after God/ Lord, have a servant heart, think about what I can give, oppose to what I can get.  The Lord/God always provides.  We are all agents assigned to ensure someone knows him through our light/actions/works– not our shoes. If we love him, then everyone should be able to know; because our actions will paint a clear story. Love is a verb, something you do and not just say.  Anything you love, you spend time, money, resources and attention to.  Love goes the distance, and isn’t there when it is convenient.  People often get love and like confused. Like never goes the distance–no real substance or benefits.

In conclusion, we all should strive to be whole, happy, and balanced. Be still, and know that God is always in control.  Anything that doesn’t serve you usefully, release it! Love is a verb and your actions verify your words.  Always walk in agreement.  Thank you for visiting my page and have an awesome day!🌺🌺🌺