Survivor Interview: Date Rape, Sexual Abuse, Healing, and Forgiveness

A survivor-centered conversation about date rape, sexual abuse, healing, forgiveness, prevention, and finding the courage to speak out.

Content note: This page includes detailed, first-person descriptions of date rape, child sexual abuse, and their emotional impact. It may be activating or painful to read. Please care for your safety and well-being as you engage with this material, and consider stepping away or reaching out for support if needed.

I met a young man who read my story, and we immediately connected. We both wanted to share our stories of survival, shame, and forgiveness. We also wanted readers to know how it truly felt to be both a victim and a survivor, and to share our views on how we moved forward and how to identify and stop sexual abuse from our perspectives.

Christopher interviewed me and I interviewed him. The experience was extremely liberating and powerful. We hope others will be inspired, encouraged to heal and move forward, and motivated to help stop sexual assault.

My Story: Surviving Date Rape and Finding a New Path

1. Has your experience changed your path? How has it directed your walk in life?

Definitely. When I was younger I truly suffered from low self-esteem and was extremely shy. I was afraid of people, and it was extremely difficult for me to talk or make new friends. My shyness and poor social skills were a predator’s dream. The experience of date rape gave me the courage to become a survivor and a strong desire to prevent this type of abuse from happening to others. Eventually, I realized my shyness and poor social skills would limit my ability to prevent abuse, and that I would have to learn how to be comfortable in social settings if I wanted to share my story.

Afterwards, I changed my major from accounting to psychology and eventually became a social worker. I absolutely love being a social worker and helping people. Having the ability to affirm, educate, encourage, empower, and support people is something I’m very passionate about.

2. When you experienced this, did you confide in someone to get their thoughts? How did it feel to admit the date rape occurred?

Yes, I did tell my best friend John Williams and a few other people that I trusted. I was very ashamed that I was so naïve and that I failed to see what type of person my so-called new boyfriend really was. Admitting and telling was the first step in the healing process for me. However, it has definitely been a long road.

3. In the moment, what was rushing through your head? How did you feel? What were your actions?

After my attacker locked the door, I had an instant moment of clarity and knew I was in trouble. I never imagined that something like this could happen. In my mind, this was something a stranger does when he pops out in a dark alley or a poorly lit parking garage.

I was afraid and tried to fight him off. Eventually, I gave in because I wasn’t sure what he would do to me if I kept on fighting. Thankfully, he did use a condom and eased my mind about whether I could get pregnant or catch a disease.

4. How often did you see your predator, and what was it like when you saw him?

My initial rape happened in December of 1989, in my freshman year of college. The sad truth is that he raped me twice afterwards. As a result, I told my best friend John, and we both transferred to Western Illinois University because I wanted a new start.

The rape occurred at the beginning of December, and we still had two weeks to go until Christmas break. During that time, I would see my rapist every day at breakfast, lunch, and dinner until I went back home for Christmas break.

The second time I was raped was over Christmas break. My roommate came home with me, and I failed to disclose that I had been raped. She invited my rapist/boyfriend to my birthday party and gave him my Chicago telephone number and home address. During Christmas break he came to visit me at my house, brought me a gift, and asked me to go out with him again.

Although I was torn, I felt that I had to somehow fix my messed-up circumstances. I thought that since I was no longer a virgin, maybe I should give him a chance, and he promised not to force himself on me again. The story was pretty much the same as the first time. We went on a date and he cooked dinner. Everything was nice and pleasant. I remember coming out of the bathroom from washing my hands after dinner, and he was completely undressed. The rest was history.

As a result, I was very ashamed because I allowed this craziness to happen again. I recall my ex/the rapist saying, “Why are you acting all gay? I’m helping you and you have a lot to learn. Plus, since I was your first, you need to get with the program and stop acting like that.”

The final rape happened on a Saturday morning in my dorm room. My roommate decided to go home for the weekend, and I made a terrible mistake by not locking my door. I lived in an all-girls dorm, and there was never an issue regarding security or safety. Unfortunately, I learned that locks on doors were made for a reason. I got way too comfortable and arrogant in thinking there was no need for me to lock my dorm door.

At about eight o’clock on Saturday morning, he walked through my door. I immediately knew what was about to happen and realized that this had to stop. I begged my attacker to stop and questioned him why, when so many other sexually active girls were interested in him.

As a result, I would have panic attacks every time I saw him. My heart would race and beat fast, my hands would shake, and I knew my environment had to change, and soon. Thankfully, my best friend John was an angel. He understood me, transferred, and went to Western Illinois University. Once I moved several hundred miles away, I was able to finish college and really start my healing process.

5. Did he use any tools to weaken your fight? If your struggle to get out failed, what methods did he use to overpower you?

My rapist used his strength. He was about six feet tall and at least 200 pounds, and I was just 5’7″, maybe 120 pounds, and a size 2. Initially, I tried to fight and stop him, but he was convinced that this was what I needed to take us to the next level. The feelings of being helpless and powerless over my situation consumed me and changed me forever.

When something so traumatic happens, it can feel permanently locked in your head. Consequently, many of us suffer and struggle with the memory in the same way post-traumatic stress disorder victims do. Our triggers can be as simple as a touch, a song, a place, or a smell, just to name a few.

6. Because this was your first sexual experience, did it change your idea of men or your belief in love?

Fortunately, my view of a good man wasn’t destroyed. My daddy was an excellent father, and I was surrounded by positive men all my life. I just knew some men were not worthy of my trust. My experience caused me to be extremely guarded and very cold. But I always had hopes of entering a relationship where my mate would understand me and my issues.

7. What was your immediate view of God as you went through this? Did you trust in God or ever feel angry?

Surprisingly, I never questioned God. Instead of blaming, I realized that unfortunate events occur to good people too. Early on, I daydreamed about changing my personality and using my voice to educate and empower other survivors of date rape, molestation, or sexual abuse. I knew in my heart and soul that God would protect me and turn this negative event into something positive and bigger than me.

Through God’s amazing grace, I have the opportunity to let the world know you do not have to suffer in silence and it is never too late to move forward with your life. In addition, I learned in college, by sharing and talking with so many other women, that abuse is very common. Most women that I know have been raped, molested, were in a domestic violent relationship at some point in their life, or were sexually assaulted.

8. Once the assaults were over, what happened next for you emotionally?

I just cried and went back to my room. I felt like I was in some twisted movie, and the event kept replaying in my mind. I kept asking myself how this happened to me and why.

9. What clothing were you wearing? Were you in a skirt or jeans?

I was fully clothed. I had on jeans and a simple top, nothing out of the ordinary. I was completely blindsided each and every time.

10. Did he threaten you before or after?

My rapist told me that I could make it easy or hard. I tried to fight, but he was so focused on removing my title of being a virgin and owning that. He tried to convince me that he was doing me a favor by showing me the ropes. My attacker used mental tactics on me. He told me I was acting gay and that, as time progressed, I would learn to love it and that I would one day thank him.

11. Do you regret your silence? What would you have preferred to do?

Yes, I have regrets. I would have told much earlier. To be honest, I’m not comfortable with the idea of jail because I’m a compassionate person and that seems so cruel. However, I would love if all predators had to do community service and be mandated to apologize and speak at group functions, telling audiences what to look out for and how to avoid danger to keep their loved ones safe.

12. As a parent, how do you plan to explain this experience to your children?

Absolutely, being a parent made it mandatory for me to speak out and hopefully encourage mothers and fathers to have critical conversations with their child or children regarding sexual assault, molestation, and date rape. Ultimately, my deepest desire is that no child or person has to suffer in silence, and that they know in their heart it’s never too late to move forward and work to end sexual abuse for good.

13. With so many victims of sexual abuse, what goals have you set that might help reduce abuse?

Sharing my personal story of rape and survival is one way I encourage other victims to know that if I overcame it, so can they. It is my hope to let my fellow survivors know they are not alone, to offer an opportunity to educate and inform others of the potential dangers, and to give another face and profile of a predator.

As a mother of a daughter, I hope my story encourages mothers to have a conversation with their daughters and let them know of the potential dangers when dating. I want them to explain the rules and why it is so important to date in groups and spend the extra time to get to know someone before welcoming them into their personal space. Parents can educate and inform their daughters that they are special and deserve to date someone who respects them and understands that “no” actually means no, and who will accept that without question.

In college, I never had a clue that you have to protect yourself from people you know as well as strangers. Predators lurk in all sorts of places, and the wise can only be proactive and share their wisdom to prevent others from becoming new victims. I love to share my challenges in an effort to let people know it is okay to be human, to be a survivor, and to seek help when you need it.

I wish I had known to date in groups until you really get to know the person you are dating. Time is one true test of integrity, character, respect, love, and support.

14. Was it easy to forgive him? Did you feel at ease when you did? Does it still cross your mind?

No, it definitely wasn’t easy, but it was very necessary in order for me to heal and move forward. Thanks, Chris, for sharing and asking great questions. I truly appreciate your honesty and openness in sharing and helping to stop sexual assault.

The older I become, the more I feel compelled to be transparent and share my journey through life. I firmly believe that sharing my challenges and pain will free and maybe even encourage others to forgive and possibly move forward with their lives.

From my own experiences, I have learned that our pain can sometimes become our own prison. Therefore, forgiveness is a defense and offers everyone an opportunity to heal and move forward with their lives. It has nothing to do with the perpetrators of our wrongdoing and everything to do with the healing of our own mind, body, and spirit.

Sharing my personal story of rape and survival is another way for me to encourage other victims to know that if I overcame it, so can they. It is my hope to let my fellow survivors know they are not alone, to offer an opportunity to educate and inform others of the potential dangers, and to give another face and profile of a predator.

Getting to Know Christopher

Before we began this deep conversation, I asked Christopher some background questions to help my audience and myself learn more about him.

Christopher Michael Rivera Interview on Abuse

1. When did the abuse start for you?

It was on Mother’s Day, between ages four and five years old. I was doing the dishes for my mother before she got home. He asked me, “Why don’t you clean the pipes?” I went under the sink with the sponge and found out that was not what he meant.

2. Why did you choose not to tell?

I attempted at one point when my friend was preyed upon. His father tried to help me, but my abuser threatened the life of my brothers and mother, and then me.

3. Was your abuser male or female?

My abuser was a male, and he used his dog too. I never got the point of that.

4. Was your abuser a stranger or someone you knew?

He was my brother’s father.

5. Did your abuse affect you as an adult?

Often, I was angry and internalized my pain. I became a loner and kept it to myself. Being at that age, I was treated like an adult sexually. When the adults talked about rape, I got bitter because I was embarrassed to say something.

6. Did your abuse affect your ability to have a healthy relationship?

All the ladies I have interacted with heard my story once they told me of their own abuse. That turned into many conversations.

7. Did your abuse cause you to be cold, distant, angry, or bitter?

I looked at my brother as my reminder of his father. I hated him inside, though it was not his fault at all. My punishments were penetration or oral abuse by his father and the dog when I did something wrong, like steal milk so my brothers could have milk.

8. Have you forgiven your abuser?

I spoke to my abuser years later at 18 years old and even considered killing him. However, I realized that I could use my experience to let other victims know that no matter how terrible the situation was, they too could make it and survive. I want to encourage other victims to become survivors and tell, and to encourage mothers and fathers to pay closer attention to the people they introduce and leave to supervise and watch over their children. Predators, just like you said, are often people you know, like, and respect.

9. Are you still in contact with your abuser?

No.

10. Did your abuse affect your ability to be intimate in relationships and trust your spouse or mate?

I have not allowed this situation to interfere with my sexual desires with women. I am always happy to be with a female. My experience has not altered my sexual preference.

11. How did you cope with your abuse as a child and as an adult?

As a child it was hard to talk about it. I thought it was going to end someday if I could just stay alive in the moment. My brothers knew about it, as I found out after telling my mother. It saddened me that they just let it happen.

As an adult, my youngest brother reminds me of him with his character, and I do not blame him. I still love him. I can see the selfishness his father possessed, so we are distant. Coping with it now means that I have a story that will save other children who are going through this. I fear for my children as they live in PA. However, as I told my family members, I will keep this story and experience as a gift rather than a tragedy.

Thanks a million, Chris, for the inspiration, the great questions, and for sharing your truth. God bless, and hopefully our combined stories will help others and encourage other survivors to talk and start their own healing process, and help save our children and future generations from unnecessary sexual abuse.

You Are Not Alone: Support and Next Steps

Love shouldn’t hurt. You are not alone, and help is available.

If you or someone you love has experienced dating violence, sexual assault, or abuse, you deserve safety, support, and information. Learn more and find tools for healing and prevention here:

• Domestic Violence Resources – crisis lines, safety planning, and community support.
• Healthy Relationships – guidance on boundaries, respect, and warning signs.
• Contact – connect with us for questions, speaking, or support-related inquiries.