Category: Healthy Relationships

Seize The Day

Well, God is so awesome because that was many moons 🌙 and seasons ago☀️⛈⛄️☔️🌈🌥🌨🌤☀️, he always put the right people in your path. Still giving encouragement when necessary!
After my mother passed, my childhood friend Jennifer Lee randomly texts and check on me! So does her mom and sister! Sisters are priceless!

One step at a time!

Remember the greatest gift you will ever give anyone is your time, service and presence! We live in a world, where often we forget to simply check on loved ones. We are so called busy! Often we really are! However, we never know when the last time is really gonna be the last time. So live everyday on purpose, focused, happy, loving, grateful, thankful and appreciative to God!!! Seize and make the most of everyday! It’s a real gift, that’s why time is named the present 🎁.
Love and Blessings!!! 💗😊💗

College Freshman 101: Date Rape and Safety Tips!

Reflection
This post is detailed and may be too descriptive for some. My hope is not to offend, but to share my previous challenges…a glimpse inside my head…maybe it sounds familiar.

The funniest thing about obstacles and challenges is that they seem to always be delivered without an introduction or a warning. In 2009, I got an unthinkable Facebook friend request from the man that stole my virginity and date raped me in college.

Date Rape

Naively, I was the typical freshman, and never knew danger could come and find me in the form of a new boyfriend. For hours, I looked at the request and decided to forgive him, but the idea of befriending him was just way too much.

Unfortunately, the challenging life course was just getting started for me. A few years ago, I remember arriving to a work training only to be greeted by the man who date raped me in college.

The timing could not have come at a worse juncture. I was emotionally spent.  I was fragile and tired. My sister had just got married, my pastor had just passed away, and my closest cousin, who is like a sister, husband, suddenly died.

My heart started beating fast and I hurriedly started talking to myself. Put yourself in auto-pilot mode and just get through the day! God must really like challenges. My mind was racing. What should I do?! I had no desire to disclose this information to my boss. And so, I decided to just maintain and hold it together; because it was my responsibility to listen and bring back the information for my team. Prayerfully, I managed to survive the entire event without flinching, leaving or escaping.rapeEmotional Wounds

My twenty plus year old past, that haunted me for years was now staring me in the face. Thankfully, I’m a testament that God’s grace is always on time, and I was able to weather that storm. The trainer’s voice faded quickly, and all I could think about was keeping my cool and getting back to my office. As the trainers prepared for lunch, guess who offered me their card and decided to sit next to me? Yes, it’s true…the man who date raped me and caused me to lose trust in most men.

Shockingly, he had become a state licensed social worker and had his own youth mentoring business. He apologized and told me he was a changed man and determined to give back and make a difference.

Predators are Often People You Know and Trust

In college, I was a very naïve girl from Chicago.  I was shy with big hopes and dreams. I never had a clue that you might need to protect yourself from people you know; as well as strangers. Predators lurk in all sorts of places, and the wise can only be proactive and share their wisdom to prevent others from becoming new victims.

I love to share my challenges in an effort to let people know it is ok to be human, a survivor and seek help when you need it. I wish I knew to date in groups; until you really know the person you are dating. Time is a true measurement test for integrity, character, respect, love and support.

Remember, challenges and obstacles knock on every person’s door. Stay prayerful and know God is always there with us; through every trial and tribulation. Believe, trust, and let go, no matter how scary the situation is. God’s grace is always enough and timely!

Moving Forward

Thanks so much to everyone that replied to my post. I truly appreciate each and every comment. The older I become, the more I feel compelled to be transparent, and share my journey through life. As a result, I firmly believe that sharing my challenges and pain will free others, and maybe even encourage forgiveness; so they can move forward with their lives. From my own experiences, again, I have learned our pain sometimes can become our own prison.

Therefore, forgiveness is a defense and offers all an opportunity to heal and move forward with their lives. It has nothing to do with the perpetrator/s.  It has everything to do with the healing of our mind, body and spirit. Sharing my personal story of rape and survival is just my way to encourage others. If I overcame it, so can you. It is truly my hope to let my fellow survivors know they are not alone, to offer an opportunity to educate and inform others of the potential dangers and to give another face/ profile of a predator.

stop rapeAs a mother of a daughter, I hope my story encourages mothers to have a conversation with their daughters, and let them know of the potential dangers when dating. Explain the rules, and why it is so important to date in groups and spend the necessary extra time to get to know someone before welcoming them into their personal space.

Mothers remind your daughters they are special, and educate them about dating.  It should be someone that respects them, and understands fully that “No actually means No” and will accept it without question. My experience taught me that I was picked intentionally.  He was extra careful…selective even…I was the perfect candidate.  Twenty- six years ago, I was extremely shy, and so ashamed that I allowed this rape to happen to me.

My Rapist

In my mind, my rapist was never what I pictured a rapist to be. My rapist was extremely popular on the basketball team, homecoming king, well-educated and had many admirers to say the least. Personally, I thought a rapist would be a stranger and someone that would pop up in a dark alley or something like that.

Never in a million years did I even entertain the thought that my new boyfriend could be a rapist and be so well-liked. My flawed act was simply agreeing to go watch a movie in his room with four other friends. When the movie ended, the four people left the room and I prepared to get my coat and leave, the rest…history. I remember him blocking the door way and telling me, ‘Sharon you can make this easy or hard, but today you will leave a woman’.

During that time in my life, I was extremely shy and timid, 18 years old and afraid. My rapist was 6 feet and at least 200 pounds and I was just 5’7 and maybe 120 pounds. Initially, I tried to fight and stop him, but he was convinced that this was what I needed to take us to the next level. The feelings of being helpless and powerless over my situation consumed me and changed me forever. The story of how I lost my virginity was traumatic and permanently sketched in my brain. I carried that pain for years and never reported the incident due to my own embarrassment at that time.

Emotional Baggage

As I stated before, I used to be painfully shy, and thought if I told people, some how I would end up being the blame me for going, and watching the movie and being so naïve. Plus, he was so well liked and get this…I did not want to consider HIM going to jail, losing his scholarship and dealing with the reality of everyone knowing in great details what actually occurred to me. As a result, I did what many women do, I buried the pain and carried the baggage of my rape into every relationship I had including my marriage. Thankfully, the encounter early this year gave me the needed closure and the opportunity to get the answers of why. Plus, he apologized, and allowed me to forgive and put that luggage down.

Growth and Empowerment

In my opinion, rape is a very emotional and altering act. However, a survivor selects to deal with the pain of rape, is their personal choice. For me, I decided to become a blogger, a sexual assault advocate, and a social worker. By simply sharing my story and ways to prevent date rape, I hope to empower others to be survivors and advocates against date rape and sexual assault. If anyone you know is a victim, encourage and let them know, “NO means NO” and it is never their fault or too late to seek support or get help!

My wish is to let all survivors know:

1. They are not alone and it is never their fault.

2. To offer an opportunity to educate and inform others of the potential dangers.

3. Give another face and profile of a predator for they are often never a stranger.

4. Encourage people to listen and be alert.

5. Help end sexual assault and Date Rape.

6. Help eliminate the shame, guilt and secrecy of abuse.

7. To volunteer and support organizations that advocates to end sexual abuse.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is:

(800) 656-4673. The hotline is free, private, and available 24 hours a day. http://www.greatnessisachoice.com

Count Down to 50!

This year God willing, I will turn 50 on 12/31/2020. What an interesting journey and I’m grateful for everything the good, bad and the ugly because everything has a purpose in our growth journey on earth. Everything is a Blessing or a Lesson. No exceptions! When you have been at deaths door a few times, 7, 25, 36 and 48 you get over so many things so quickly because you know if it wasn’t for God’s Grace and Mercy 6 ft down could have been your story.

In 7 years, I have seen 29 near and dear people in my life transcend and they will always be a part of my journey.

Cherish the day and love ❤️ hard. Plus know the other side is real. I will never forget when I got to experience temporarily the other side. I was in the process of having a caesarean and the curtain was up and the surgeon start to cut my stomach and the anesthesia did not work. I got to feel the cut and everyone’s knew something was wrong!

They immediately put everyone that was family out and gave me gas and put me to sleep. At least that was what they thought, an incredible thing happened. I got to come over my body and saw everything. I could hear everything and see everything although I was technically sleep. When I was put into recovery and I was technically out sleep. I could hear everything and still see everything going on and who was in the room.

When I finally physical woke up, I told only my mother and best friends. Michelle Davis-Sands was there and knew, Deloris Foster and My Mother Dorothy! My baby lived 4 days and then left for heaven. I got to hold him as he transcended. My beautiful blue eyed, baby boy.

I told God, if I could live after that, 19 staples, and saying good bye to my 3 pound/ 1 ounce son I had carried for 7 months and breast was producing milk for a child that had left, I said to myself absolutely nothing in life again would break me. My son’s 4 days changed my life and I wrote a list of things I needed to accomplish in his honor. I decided to get my masters degree that day, buy a house, and do all the things I feared.

To make a long story short, I got into grad school and graduated Summa cum laude. What’s so cool about it, I wasn’t even supposed to qualify for grad school because my undergrad gpa was only a 2.7 and I should of had a 3.0. But, in the end, Sharon was the 2 student in her class that finished Everything, did my defense and my 168 page paper was approved. Won’t God Do it!!! Especially since I barely got in!!!

Peace and Blessings and Know God has Us All and the Final Say!!! Count down to 50!!! ❤️😍❤️

Taking Care of Business

My HR Sister/ Friend Michelle posted a wonderful post on getting a will and establishing a living power of attorney!

Fortunately, when my Mom passed I had many on the list. I would like to add, leave a to do list of what you would like as far as a funeral or cremation or even no serve at all. Do you want your organs donated or not, what you would want your loved ones to do and what is the legacy you want to leave! Plus, ensure to tell them to move forward and LIVE. Losing so many wonderful people has been so key in my urgency to seize the day.

Have the Hard Conversation when it’s easy, so you won’t have to do it when your broken down on your knee and sleep deprived and have to create an obituary and answer a thousand HARD Questions! Trust, you will appreciate this later.

Steps to Forgiveness

1. What is the definition of forgiveness?

A conscious decision to release resentment or vengeance for an individual or a group regardless if they deserve it or not.  The process does not mean you are excusing, condoning the issues or forgetting.  However, you’re committed to your health and positively moving forward by all means necessary.

Why is forgiveness so hard for most people?

There are several reasons or possible answers why forgiveness is hard.  For example, the reasons could be the following:

  1. Past Traumas
  2. Secrets
  3.  Verbal Abuse
  4. Sexual Abuse
  5. Physical Abuse
  6. Domestic Violence
  7.  Cheating

What is the Benefit of Forgiveness?

The benefits of forgiveness are clear and simple.  Improved health and ability to move forward.

What is the Cost of Unforgiveness?

The cost of unforgiveness is your time, illness, depression, and being stuck.

2. Be direct with yourself and identify your pain and issues for your emotional pain and distress.

· Identify: Who you are having a hard time forgiving?

· Identify: What your issues are clearly and write them down?

· Identify: When this incident occurred?

· Identify: Where this incident happened and how long ago and details?

· Identify: Why or how the incident occurred?

3. Acknowledge your feelings and own each and every last one of them! Address all issues step by step so you can heal and appropriately MOVE ON!

· Only you know how you exactly feel and what you need to feel whole.

· Communicate effectively and be the expert of you

4. Forgive yourself and be clear the real bottom line is forgiveness is always for you and about your health and wellness bottom line.

· The Price of Unforgiveness

· Effects of stress on your mental health

· Owning your health and completing wellness exams

· Seeking help, counseling, therapy, pastoral counseling, EAP or internal/external

5. Be your own superhero because no one is coming to save you but you!

· Do the necessary work to heal

· Ask the hard questions?

· What is the Blessing or Lesson? It is always one.  Find the answer!  You owe it to yourself.

6. Be compassionate and empathize and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

7. Allow love back in.  As long as we have the Blessing of 6 Ft UP WE Can Start Again!!!

Patterns: Health verses unhealthy

Healthy Relations Have These Qualities:

  1.  Scheduled Time Together That’s a Priority
  2.  Acceptance
  3. Boundaries
  4. Respect
  5. Trust
  6.  Integrity
  7.  Forgiveness
  8.  Healthy Boundaries
  9.  Individuality
  10. Compassion/ Empathy
  11.  Understanding of their Significant Other’s Love Language
  12.  Open Communication

Unhealthy Relations Tend to Have Issues With:

  1.  Lack of Trust
  2.  Jealousy
  3.  Lack of Respect
  4.  Domestic Violence
  5.  Physical Abuse
  6.  Verbal Abuse
  7.  Sexual Abuse
  8.  Cheating
  9.  lack of Support with physical Responsibilities, chores, children, bills, etc.
  10.  Feeling Lonely in the Relationship
  11.  Lack of Anticipation
  12.  Lack of Consideration for Needs and Wants

YOU CAN ALWAYS START OVER: New Beginnings

8. The Challenge

· Set Healthy Boundaries

· Communicate effectively

· Listen to your body

· Own Your Health and BE Unapologetic!!!

9. Eliminating all negativity, persons, places, things including relatives & close friends if necessary.

10. Be a Healer and Speak Life!

· Build Up People: Cheer them on

· Lift up People: Speak life and be an encourager

· Comfort People Grieving Whatever Period in their Life literally or Physically: Let people know their story isn’t over and a new positive chapter is beginning. Be positive and tell how the Lord can turn any situation around. Trust the word and not your current circumstance. Use the word to increase your faith.

· Let Your Light Shine & Let Jesus Spirit live in you and guide all your steps and actions.

Sharon Rowe, M.S.
😍 FB: Sharon Rowe
😍 IG: Sharonrowe5129
😍 Blog: http://www.greatnessisachoice.com
😍: Twitter: born2bgreat2

 

Today is a Gift. Forgive and Letting Go!

Happy Sunday!

Today is a gift! That’s why it is called the present. For many employees in corporate or the private sector, July 1 st. is the beginning of the new fiscal year. Therefore, why not start today with your New Year’s Resolution for yourself. Today, can be the beginning of you choosing you back to wholeness and a healthy, mind, body and spirit.

After my mother passed, I was so sad or even depressed. I could function but only did the necessary things in life only, family, work & my daughter’s required school activities. So around December, I crossed paths with a life coach Monique that reminded me how powerful God was and always will be. Her instructions was to write a list to God of want you want.

However, before doing it I had to forgive ever person, place or thing that kept my heart not right. She invited me to a burning bowl church event at Church where we had to bring the request to God letters and the list of who we forgave.

To make it short, I wrote a list of 10 things and shortly afterwards. Everything on my list came into reality. For example, I wanted a new car, a got a new Lexus. I wanted a nice vacation, my father-in-law called and book a 8 day cruise with a balcony view, his treat for my birthday/ family and sister-in-law and her entire family.

I quickly realize, there is power 💥in forgiveness, prayer and writing ✍🏽 it down. So after all the 10 things on my list occurs. My best friend at work calls me and confided she is distressed about living in her apartment 14 years.

So I told her about my secret weapons that I learned from my mother and combined the two events and mother’s teaching. My mother raised me in the COGIC church, so we always prayed and touched and agreed when we needed God to do something for us.

So I told my friend, don’t worry! I know exactly what to do. We had a department team meeting coming up and I told her to come to the meeting early. I told her to do the things I learned from the life coach about forgiveness and told her to right down her lists of wants and who to forgive. We came an hour early, and sat in my new Lexus truck and touched and agreed.

She asked God to get her out of her apartment into a house. A promotion and peace at work as a few others things on the list. To make a long story short, my Friend Ebony Howard closed on her house in less than 35 days and got promoted. Her home is simply gorgeous and we always smiled and think thank God for a praying mother, grandmother, mentor and people with discernment who share with us God power 💥🔥💥and ways to get a prayer through delivered through Jesus and Praise.

We have monthly personal ICT meeting because we know it is power 💥🔥💥in old school, olive Bless oil anointing touching and agreeing prayer and writing down our requests.

Why share this information, the answer is simple! I want all my brothers and sisters to win and cross like Tyler Perry said in his speech a few day ago. I know God is able and what he does for one, he will do for all because he loves us all the same. All we have to do is ask, praise and stand on his word literally and physically until the Blessings show up! Happy Thursday and happy list writing! God will always show up and show out!🌺

Hope this helps someone! 🌺😊🌺

A Closer Look – Valentine’s Day 2018 Edition: Mr. & Mrs. Nick & Latice Nicholson, 24 Years & Counting! 💕💕💕

Thanks Mr. & Mrs. Nicholson for the vision and creating Chi-Town Married Couples! I love the idea that you are supporting and building a rock solid community that celebrate healthy marriages and strengthen God ordain relationships. So excited you both agreed to complete this interview and share your wisdom on building Strong, Healthy, God Centered Marriages and Families! God Bless!!! 💕😊😊💕

Nick’s Responses:

1. What is the most important quality in a mate?

Physical, emotional, spiritual and mental compatibility…you must be “equally yoked” in all areas.

2. How would you describe your mate and when did you know he/she was the one?

Latice is an exceptional wife and mother. She loves unconditionally and has a nurturing spirit. I knew she was the one when while we were dating I explained to her that I didn’t have a lot of money or other luxury items and I didn’t know when or if I would ever have those things…she didn’t care about “things”. 24 wonderful years later, we are still together!

3. How has your spouse changed your life?

Latice has given me a greater sense of purpose. I realize that my main purpose in life is to provide for my family and to love them unconditionally. She has never given up on me, even during my lowest points, so I will never give up on myself or my family.

4. What is the best advice to give to a newlywed couple and how do you stay in love?

Never forget your vows and be reminded that when you exchanged your vows, you moved into an eternal covenant between you, your spouse and God. Always keep God in your marriage and as the husband, always stay on alert for attacks on your marriage and family. The husband is the head of the family and if the “head” is cut off, the family will perish. Don’t get your head cut off…

Latice’s Responses:

1. What is the most important quality in a mate?

One of the most important qualities in a mate is someone who is trustworthy of your heart and trustworthy period.

2. How would you describe your mate and when did you know he/she was the one?

Nick is such a very sweet and funny guy. He loves God and has always been a great provider for our family. I knew he was the one for me when I he met my Grandma for the first time and the kind way he talked to her and how comfortable he was around my family. I remember my Grandma remarking that he was a “good guy.” She said that she could tell.

3. How has your spouse changed your life?

I would say that he taught me what true love 💕 is all about.

4. What is the best advice to give to a newlywed couple and how do you stay in love?

Never, ever stop dating. No matter how busy life gets, always make time to date your spouse. You stay in love by investing your time and energy into your marriage. Let your spouse know that after God, they are “THE most important person in your life. They should never doubt this. They should hear it often and feel it each and every day.

Nick & Latice created a wonderful group on FB with 11,000 plus married members that encourage married couples in the Chicagoland area and many other states!

Marriages everywhere are under attack! The day you and your spouse said “I do”, a bounty is set to destroy what God has united.

This site is created to help encourage one another as married couples here in Chicago. Although Facebook is a powerful tool, it can have damaging, subconscious affects on us when we are often times bombarded with posts from our single friends out living the “single life”. We tend to feel like we are missing out on something because we are married…The devil is a LIAR!

Marriage is hard work, but it’s worth the effort! So let’s leverage Facebook with this group to *encourage each other,

*encourage our spouses,

*share your special moments with your spouse, provide life giving advice AND

*share Date Night highlights.

Together we can Glorify God by protecting what God has joined together.

Feel free to share with others that would benefit from and contribute to this group. Please refrain from posting anything that is not positive and edifying to marriages. Group administrators are actively monitoring ALL posts and will remove any posts and/or members that are not aligned with the goal of helping to promote and support marriage.

Enjoy the group and we pray that this space blesses your marriage like it is blessing ours.

CTMC Visionaries,

Nick & Latice Nicholson

chitownmarriedcouples@gmail.com

A Closer Look – February 2018, Featured Interview: Chicago’s Very Own, Art “Chatdaddy” Sims!

Almost 8 years ago, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting the legendary King of Chat! The one and only Chatdaddy! He agreed to assist myself with a fundraiser and relationship chat to benefit children and families involved with DCFS. Many moons later, he has conducted hundreds of relationships chats and interviewed almost everyone including my favorite Maya Angelou. So please enjoy the wonderful nuggets Art shared with me during the month of love and healthy relationships! 💕

1. What is the most important quality in a person?

Honesty above all things. No matter who you are and no matter what you’ve been through, it’s most important that you are honest about yourself and your past.

2. What legacy do you want to leave and why is it important to you?

I want to leave this earth as a person who truly tried to make a difference for the betterment of mankind while I was continuing to understand and grow stronger in my spiritual awareness about life.

3. Who is the most interesting person you have interviewed? (When you did Maya Angelou, I had tears!!!)

That’s a really great question… I’ve interviewed thousands of famous people over the years. Maya Angelou had to have been the best by far… she actually prophesied over my life during our interview. It was a life changing experience.

4. Why are relationships successful or not?

I’m always so fascinated with couples who are able to make their relationship work and to be successful because relationships require dedication, commitment and years of hard work. Most people are too afraid to put in the effort to make their relationship work.

What are the top 5 deal breaker?

1. Dishonesty

2. Being insensitive of others

3. Having little to no faith

4. Not having a passport

5. Not being adventurous

Art Sims affectionately know as “Chat Daddy” is the host and executive producer  of Real Talk, Real People with Chat Daddy, a nightly (Monday through Thursday) entertainment magazine show on WVON 1690am that offers its listeners local and national lifestyle stories, relationship advice, celebrity interviews and more. With more than 24 years of media experience in radio, television and print.

Sims is a familiar and welcomed voice in many diverse communities in Chicago and around the world. Known for humor, quick wit, charming conversation and amiable personality, “Chat Daddy” has traveled both nationally and international, providing inspirational, educational and vital information on the development and maintenance of positive, sustainable relationships. In 2009, he was recognized as a social dynamo by Monarch Magazine as one of Chicago movers and shakers in the media world and he was also inducted into the second edition of Who’s Who in Black Chicago.

My Vision Board 2018

I had so much fun today doing my vision board and thinking of my mother! The things I really want, money can’t buy. To live a life of purpose, to serve, to honor my mother’s legacy and be the best me! My mother was so talented and I’m so happy that whenever I think of her, I get inspired! Dorothy Mae Roberson you were awesome & still impacting me! Love you alway Mom!!! Daddy, Roosevelt Roberson, You are Awesome!!! Thanks for Always Answering my 3am call and Always lending me and my immediate family a helping hand! Every girl needs a daddy like you! 💕😊💕