A Self-Assessment Guide for Survivors
by Sharon Rowe · Greatness is a Choice
“Greatness is not a birthright. It is a deliberate decision — made one brave day at a time.”
You picked this up for a reason. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you’re ready. Maybe you’re somewhere in between — and that place is exactly where healing begins.
This guide is not a clinical tool. It is not a test you can fail. It is an honest conversation between two people who know that survival is only the beginning of the story. I’ve walked through fire. I know what it feels like to wonder if the life on the other side of that fire is actually for you.
It is. And you deserve to find it.
Take about 10 minutes. Read each statement. Be honest — not for me, not for anyone else. Just for you.
Part One: The Assessment
Instructions: For each statement below, choose the number that feels most true right now.1 = Not at all true for me 2 = Rarely true for me 3 = Sometimes true for me 4 = Often true for me 5 = Almost always true for me
Section A — Safety & Acknowledgment
# Statement Your Score (1–5) 1 I have told at least one trusted person what happened to me. 2 I feel physically safe in my day-to-day life. 3 I no longer believe that what happened to me was my fault. 4 I can speak the words — even privately to myself — about what I experienced. 5 I have access to at least one source of consistent support (person, group, or professional).
Section A Total: ____
Section B — Processing & Grief
# Statement Your Score (1–5) 6 I have allowed myself to grieve — not just what happened, but what it cost me. 7 I am able to identify my triggers and give myself grace when they appear. 8 I no longer feel the need to minimize or explain away my experience. 9 I have or am working to establish boundaries in my relationships. 10 I understand that healing is not linear, and I try not to punish myself on hard days.
Section B Total: ____
Section C — Reclaiming Identity
# Statement Your Score (1–5) 11 I have at least one thing in my life — a hobby, a practice, a relationship — that feels like mine again. 12 I am beginning to see myself as more than what happened to me. 13 I can name at least three of my own strengths without hesitation. 14 I am curious about who I am becoming, not just who I was before. 15 I am making choices — in relationships, in my body, in my space — that honor my healing.
Section C Total: ____
Section D — Purpose & Empowerment
# Statement Your Score (1–5) 16 I believe my story has value — that it can serve others, or simply serve my own growth. 17 I have begun to forgive — not for them, but for my own freedom. 18 I can imagine a future I actually want to live in. 19 I am learning to trust — slowly, carefully, with discernment. 20 I believe that greatness — in some form — is still available to me.
Section D Total: ____
Part Two: Your Score
Add all four section totals together.
Your Total Score: ______
Part Three: Your Stage
Wherever you land — this is not a judgment. This is a starting point.
🌱 Score 20–40 — The Awakening
You are in the earliest and perhaps the most sacred stage of this journey. Something has shifted — maybe for the first time, or maybe after a long time underground. You are beginning to surface.
What this stage feels like:
You may still be carrying enormous weight: shame, silence, confusion about what was real, fear about who to tell or whether to tell anyone at all. The idea of “healing” may feel abstract — or even like something that belongs to other people. Not you. Not yet.
What I want you to know:
You are not behind. You are not broken beyond repair. The fact that you are holding this guide right now is evidence of something powerful already stirring in you. In my own journey, Awakening was the most terrifying stage — and also the most honest. Because for the first time, I stopped pretending.
Your focus this season:
Safety, first. Then truth — even if it’s only spoken to yourself in the mirror, in the dark, at 2 a.m. You don’t owe your story to anyone. But you deserve to stop carrying it alone.
One gentle step:
Find one person — a counselor, a trusted friend, a survivor community — and say one true sentence about your experience. Just one. That is enough for today.
🌿 Score 41–60 — The Unraveling
You’ve broken some of the silence. Now the full weight of what happened is starting to be felt — maybe for the first time. This stage is hard. It is also brave.
What this stage feels like:
Some days you feel like you’re going backwards. Old wounds are surfacing. Emotions you pushed down are rising up without warning. Relationships feel complicated. You may be grieving things you never gave yourself permission to grieve before — the childhood that was stolen, the trust that was shattered, the version of yourself you might have been.
What I want you to know:
This is not regression. This is the work. For years, many of us held everything in place through sheer willpower and silence. When that structure begins to shift — that is healing happening. It doesn’t always look like healing. But it is.
Your focus this season:
Give yourself permission to feel what you actually feel. Anger is not a flaw. Sadness is not weakness. Grief is the love you couldn’t spend on yourself for a long time. Spend some of it now.
One gentle step:
Start a grief journal — not about what happened, but about what it cost you. Write down everything you lost, or everything you deserved to have and didn’t get. Let that be a place of honest mourning.
🌸 Score 61–75 — The Reclaiming
You are in the middle of one of the most powerful transitions in the healing journey: you are beginning to take yourself back.
What this stage feels like:
You are more aware of your triggers. You are learning — maybe for the first time — what your boundaries actually are. You are starting to notice the difference between the self you were performing and the self you actually are. Parts of your life are beginning to feel like yours again.
What I want you to know:
This stage is where identity gets rebuilt, brick by brick. It’s not glamorous. It’s quiet, personal, and sometimes lonely. People around you may not even notice the enormous work you’re doing. But you are becoming someone new — not by forgetting who you were, but by choosing who you will be.
Your focus this season:
Reclaim something. It could be your body, through movement. Your voice, through writing or speaking. Your joy, through a creative practice. Your peace, through a boundary you set and held. Start small. Start somewhere.
One gentle step:
Identify one thing that was taken from you — your confidence, your trust in your own judgment, your sense of safety in your own skin — and do one small, intentional act this week to begin taking it back.
🌻 Score 76–90 — The Integrating
You have done significant work. You are no longer running from your story — you are beginning to carry it as something that belongs to you, not something that defines you.
What this stage feels like:
Your story no longer has the same power to swallow you whole. You can speak more of it, more of the time, without being pulled under. You have begun to build a life that reflects your values, your healing, your strength. Forgiveness — the kind for your own liberation, not for their absolution — may be entering your vocabulary.
What I want you to know:
Integration is not the end. It is the deepening. The work at this stage is learning to hold the truth of what happened and the truth of who you are becoming — at the same time, without collapsing either one.
Your focus this season:
Find the thread that connects your experience to your purpose. What do you know now that you wish someone had told you? Who do you want to protect, guide, or walk beside? Purpose is often hidden inside our wounds.
One gentle step:
Write a letter to someone earlier on the journey — a stranger, a younger version of yourself, a child who will never have to experience what you did if people like you speak up. You don’t have to send it. Just write it.
🌟 Score 91–100 — The Expanding
You are living proof of your own philosophy. Greatness — your greatness — is on display not in its perfection, but in its persistence.
What this stage feels like:
You are able to hold your pain and your purpose in the same hand. You are showing up for others. You are sharing your story — in whatever form feels true to you — and watching it do what you once needed someone else’s story to do for you.
What I want you to know:
This stage does not mean you are “done.” Healing continues to deepen, long after the acute wounds have closed. What changes is your relationship to it. You are no longer a passenger in your own life. You are steering.
Your focus this season:
Scale your impact. Every survivor who finds their way to Expanding has a responsibility only they can fulfill: to close the distance for someone still in the Awakening. Be visible. Be honest. Be the voice you needed.
One gentle step:
Tell your story somewhere new this month — a post, a conversation, a podcast appearance, a page you finally write. Let someone see that the road they’re on has a destination worth fighting for.
Part Four: Your 30-Day Roadmap
No matter your stage, the next 30 days are a gift you can give yourself. Here is a gentle, stage-responsive framework.
Week 1 — Affirm
“I am allowed to tell the truth about my own life.”
- Day 1–3: Read your stage description again. Sit with it. Journal one reaction to it — surprise, resistance, recognition.
- Day 4–5: Identify your one anchor this month — one person, practice, or resource you will return to when things get hard.
- Day 6–7: Write five things you have already survived. Proof already exists. Start collecting it.
Week 2 — Educate
“Understanding what happened to me is not the same as accepting it.”
- Day 8–10: Learn one new thing about the dynamics of trauma and abuse — a book chapter, a podcast episode, a credible article. Knowledge is armor.
- Day 11–12: Identify one story that is not yours to carry anymore. What belief about yourself — I was stupid, I should have known, I should have stopped it — can you begin to set down?
- Day 13–14: Share something you learned with someone you trust. Teaching cements healing.
Week 3 — Empower
“My healing is not passive. I am an active participant in my own becoming.”
- Day 15–17: Take one concrete action toward your stage’s focus (see above). Write down what you did and how it felt.
- Day 18–19: Set or reinforce one boundary — with a person, a situation, a habit, or a thought pattern. Write it down. State it plainly.
- Day 20–21: Do something that brings you joy with zero justification. Rest. Play. Create. Move. Not because it’s productive — because you deserve it.
Week 4 — Live
“A life of meaning is built in the choosing — one day, one decision at a time.”
- Day 22–24: Reflect on the month. What shifted? What surprised you? What do you want to carry forward?
- Day 25–27: Write a letter to yourself — the one who started this guide 30 days ago. What would you want them to know?
- Day 28–30: Make one commitment for the next 30 days. Write it down. Tell someone you trust. Let yourself be held accountable to your own greatness.
A Note from Sharon
I wrote this because I needed it once — and no one gave it to me.
The journey you are on is not one-size-fits-all. It is not linear. It is not predictable. There will be days you feel like you are flying and days you feel like you are starting over. Both are part of it.
What I can promise you — from experience, not theory — is this: the other side of this work is real. The life you are building through this pain is real. And you are not walking toward it alone.
You are not alone.
You are not what happened to you.
And your greatness? It has always been a choice. You are making it right now.
With love and solidarity,
Sharon Rowe
Founder, Greatness is a Choice
Resources & Next Steps
Connect with the Community:
🌐 Website: www.greatnessisachoice.com
Continue the Journey:
- 📖 Greatness is a Choice: Shifting: Reflections, Lessons, and Legacy — Sharon’s flagship memoir
- 🎙️ Listen to the Greatness is a Choice Podcast
- 📝 Explore the blog for survivor stories, educational resources, and community support
This guide is an educational and personal growth resource. It is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (RAINN) or text HOME to 741741.
WWW. Greatnessisachoice.com
Greatness is a Choice · Sharon RowAll rights reserved.
